At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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