We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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