My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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