I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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