I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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