I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize