Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
