I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize