That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
