I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
