You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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