Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
