She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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