He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you win again, gameday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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