I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
