If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
