Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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