Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're a waste of cheezeits
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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