I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
