I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
