Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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