It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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