Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
