i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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