I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
