everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
