I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
