you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
