I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
