scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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