I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i will never coherently bang her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
