Your face is a jimmy john
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
