I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize