her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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