chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
