I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
