Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
