those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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