im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
