this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
