I am spending my child support on dildos
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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