3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
