At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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