Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
