found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
