I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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