I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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