happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
