So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
