Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize