you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I forget how to act sober
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