My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
