I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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