someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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