she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
