we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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