Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
