arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
