he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
