Do you still have your period?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
