Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
