i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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