so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
FUCK WHALES
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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