a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
