WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
