he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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