she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
