I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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