New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
