He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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