Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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