Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
