Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
