I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
